BETTER OFF DEAD?

I didn't mind to be near the verge of death.
i don't mind having to go through it twice.
i don't mind the pain, the sreams and the nightmares.
I don't mind the nags, the tears, the angry faces.
Seriously, I'll die one day rite?
Its just a matter of time...

When i tell people,
they cry.
When i tell my family,
they stare at me in disbelief.
When i tell the one i care most about,
it hurts me more then it hurts him.

This life has taken a turn for.
Nothings the same anymore.
Nothing ever will be.

I finally realized.
All those tears i shed.
All those anger i left raging in me.
All those walls i've punched.
Its all just a waste of time.

Funny when u only see all this,
when ur told,
your gona die soon.
You freak out at first.
then u accept it.
While everyone else panics,
you just sit and stare blankly at the wall.
Smiling to yourself,
Thinking,
its my time,
maybe it'll b a burden off to everyone i know.

yes i did that.
Only to my disappointment,
i survived.
gee.
wohoo.
no that wasnt my reaction.
all i did was sulk.
for 3 days and 3 nights.
hooked to the IV machine.
Sulking as bllod drips into ur veins.
sigh.

I wonder how it would b like.
To have not survived.
Really.
Cos as of now,
life aint that pretty.
And i know it won't change so fast.

yea yea i know there's ppl who care.
blablabla.
But what if the ones i truly care abt,
doesnt care back.
stupid rite?
guess thats human nature.
ppl pretend to care to get what they want.

honestly,
som,etimes,
i wish i never survived.
maybe i'm better off dead.
But sometime, i'm glad im here.
For reasons of my own. (: