i came home today.
No one's arnd.
I'm content.
Neither happy nor sad.

Mum and dad came home.
They seem happy.
Then dad said to me.
"your mum wants me to re-marry if she goes".
It broke my heart. Hit me hard.
Reality.
I'm not upset.
cos of the re-marrying part.
I'm upset.
Cos mum said she might go.

I don't believe.
That its her time.
I don't believe.
In letting her go now.
i don't believe.
She said that only cos she thinks that she's going.
There must be. Something else.

This isnt the first time.
I've almost lost someone.
Neither is it the first time.
Of me knowing how it feels like to be near death.

I don't want to lose either of them.
Those words haunt me every night.
Everyday.
Even more when the say it over and over again.
Why?

Mum
Having to go through wad ur going through now
Is not the end
And you're not alone
We're all in it
Sharing the same pain
the same fears
The same tears
Why do u say it?
i don't believe its the end.
I rather it be me to go
Not you.

Once more i say.
I ask not for your pity.
I ask not to be pitied.
I ask no questions asked.
i just want to be alone.
cos the one person i need most,
is just not there to care right now.